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Hey, i'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean
All you can give is a spin in your washing machine
I fly off to rome to my prima bella
She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella
Ooh the pain -- modern love can be a strain

I trusted my venus was untouched in her shell
But the pearls in her oyster were as tacky as hell
For lady godiva i came incognito
But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto
Ooh the pain -- modern love can be a strain

I don't know why they leave me in the lurch
To carry on the search
It's driving me up the wall
Pity when i have so much passion
Romance is out of fashion
Can't handle modern love at all

So i worship diana by the light of the moon
When i pull out my pipe she screams out of tune
In paris my heart sinks when i see the mona lisa
She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer
Ooh the pain
Modern love can be a strain